The New Dreaming Podcast
The New Dreaming is more than just a podcast - it’s a truth-telling movement. A space for real, meaningful conversations that empower, challenge and inspire. Through the voices of those who have broken barriers, found their purpose and reclaimed their stories, - we uncover the truths that shape who we are.
For those ready to listen, learn and be part of something bigger - each episode is a step towards truth, healing and collective empowerment.
The New Dreaming Podcast
Against All Odds: Breaking the Cycle of Intergenerational Trauma
A raw conversation about healing, identity and breaking cycles of trauma unfolds as Reese shares his remarkable journey from childhood adversity to becoming an advocate for Indigenous communities and men's mental health.
Born to a teenage mother and raised among twenty children by his aunt in Brisbane, Reese experienced poverty, abuse and cultural disconnection that would shape his early years. His powerful story traces the path from homelessness and jail as a teenager to finding an unexpected opportunity through education that would transform his life. After completing university on scholarship, Reese built a career dedicated to supporting Indigenous communities - a deliberate choice that allowed him to help his people while healing himself.
The conversation delves into the complex nature of cultural identity as Reese shares how he grew up believing he was Waka Waka from Cherbourg, only to discover later in life his true heritage as Badtjala & Darumbul. This revelation sparked profound questions about belonging and highlights the lasting impacts of colonisation on First Nations connection to culture. "I think there's always been something missing in me," Reese reflects, identifying reconnection to culture as the crucial missing piece in his healing journey.
Perhaps most courageously, Rhys opens up about his decades-long battle with alcohol addiction, depression and anxiety - a struggle that mirrored his mother's own challenges with alcoholism before her death at 58. Now four and a half months sober, he shares the daily work of recovery and his emerging purpose to help other Indigenous men facing similar battles. "There is help out there and you can come through it," he affirms, planning to take this message into rehabilitation centers, jails and communities.
Throughout his story runs a powerful thread of breaking cycles - through encouraging education and employment for his daughters, being present for his grandchildren and confronting his own mental health challenges. Join us for this moving conversation about transformation, cultural reconnection and finding purpose through helping others heal.
Rhys, welcome to the podcast. Thanks, brother. I'm happy to be here Deadly, so why don't we jump right in? Let's talk about where you're from, your mob and where you grew up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I grew up in Brisbane, on the north side of Brisbane and also one of the bayside suburbs, but my family's from Cherbourg. My mum was the youngest of nine girls. That all was born and bred on Cherbourg, which is about 240 k's northwest of Brisbane, and that's on Waka Waka country. I always grew up thinking that our mob was from Cherbourg and around that area and that we were Waka Waka. But after a number of years some of my family members did some research and we realised that our grandfather, my mum's mum and that side of the family were actually from Rockhampton area, which is Durrumbul actually from Rockhampton area, which is Durrumbul. And then my grandmother's side of the family was actually from Gari Fraser Island, which is Batula country, batula. So I identify as a Batula Durrumbul man. But I've also got close connections to Brisbane because that's where I grew up, and also to mob up there in Sherbrooke, which is Waka Waka country.
Speaker 1:Definitely We've got that bachelor connection. Absolutely yeah, we're country men, that's right, exactly. And you know siblings, early years. Let's just get a brief overview. We can get more into that soon. Let's just brief overview First few years. Let's just get a brief overview. We can get more into that soon. Let's just brief overview first few years. Like how many years here? How many years in Brisbane?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so mum was very young when she had me. She was 15 when she fell pregnant with me and she was 16 when she had me. So she was quite young and I was actually given, I suppose, to my mum's older sister. She was the oldest of the nine girls and she'd already been caring for a lot of her other sister's kids. So when I came out of hospital I came to Brighton, which is on the north side of Brisbane, and then grew up and went to preschool and state school in Sandgate, which is around that area also. So those kind of early years, from being a child all the way up to schooling, I lived at Sandgate and, like I said, my auntie, who was the oldest, looked after a number of her sister's kids, and that was normal for me. There was probably up to 20 children in the house, ranging from babies to toddlers the way up to, you know, teenagers and young adults.
Speaker 2:Around that time, when I was living in Sango, we actually had a house fire we actually had two, unfortunately and the first house fire was a kerosene lantern. We didn't have any electricity. We were quite poor back then too, and you know there was an accident that happened and the house went up. It was an old five-row, six-bedroom house there in Deegan and, yeah, we all went out and stayed in foster care and those types of things just until the house got built again. And then a number of years later there was an electrical fault and we had to move and we moved over to Nudgee and I was probably there at Nudgee, which is again on that north side of Brisbane, went to local Nudgee school there and also used to come across to Radcliffe for high school. We were able to get some scholarships and some support to go to a college over here called Grace Lutheran and I was there until about year I think eight or nine probably year eight, I reckon and then there was some stuff happening in the house at the time and I didn't want to be there no more.
Speaker 2:So I actually moved over to my other auntie. Her name's Aunty Sifa Roma and she's the only one left out of the nine sisters today. All the rest of them have passed. So has my mum, and I lived with her for probably about two or three years, just in those teenage years, along with my cousins, her children. Those cousins also lived with me at Sandgate with my oldest auntie, but they went and lived with their mum and then once they left and I was having some troubles there in the house, I would say that I ran away, basically and with the support of my mum. You know mum didn't get a chance to raise me. There was a lot of different issues why I was kind of there until I was about grade 9 or 10, and then after that it was just absolute chaos because I'd ended up on the streets and got into trouble and boys' homes and jail and you know, petty thieving and those types of things. But that's kind of my formative years.
Speaker 2:And then I, for some reason or not, my first taste of jail was at Bogger Road and that jail was just about to close down. You know it's an old jail and I was 17 at the time. It was my first taste of big jail. I was in a boy's home there and not long after that I saw some things and experienced some things while I was in there that terrified me, absolutely terrified me. If I think back now, obviously you don't show fear when you're in those environments, but when I think back now, it was probably one of the reasons why I didn't go back and I started to sort my life out a bit. I suppose I went and got my first job, which was making cardboard boxes.
Speaker 2:I came back over to the north side of Brisbane. My first job was, I think, 18, 19. Side of Brisbane. My first job was, I think, 18, 19. And yeah, look, after that I did some labouring work but I kind of had that foresight when I was really, really when I was around that age. I had a lot of relatives, cousin, brothers, that were still getting into trouble and I just didn't want that life. So I got in a relationship at the time and I physically moved away from Brisbane. I followed the lady that I was in a relationship with. Her family were moving from Brisbane down to northern New South Wales, ballina. So I went down to Ballina and I was actually working at the time. I was working for GJ Glass and Aluminium at the time in Brisbane. It was just a casual position, like I said.
Speaker 2:I'd have all sorts of jobs when I was kind of 17, 18, 19, and I couldn't hold on to a job then either. So moved down to Ballina with her. That relationship didn't last very long, but I remember when I first got my break, I suppose, and when I think back, it probably wasn't a good situation. But when I look back now they call them job network, not job network agencies now. But back then I was on Centrelink. You know we called it the DOL back then it was the local CES. So instead of the job network agencies I had the CES.
Speaker 2:So I went to go and see my worker there and I had to you know, you had to tell them that you're applying for jobs and fill out forms and those types of things. And she basically said to me quite bluntly and quite rudely you know she looked at my resume, she was helping me put that together she said one thing is that you've moved to the highest unemployment area in Australia, so that was Lismore, ballina, the Northern Rivers area. And then the other thing she said to me was you haven't got any skills, mate, you haven't got any education, you haven't got any. I can't get you a job here, you're going to have to move back to Brisbane. Or she said to me, she gave me an option, there was this. She had this pamphlet on her desk and she pulled it out and she said look, otherwise they're doing something over there at the Lismore University, southern Cross University, they're running a tertiary foundation course for Indigenous people. And she said why don't you just do it? Because it's a course and you don't have to come in here and see me and you don't have to fill out your forms. You just go there. You can go on App Study, it doesn't matter if you don't make it through, but why don't you just go and try it?
Speaker 2:I had to think about it for a little while because I was kicked out of school at Year 10. I didn't get my Year 10 certificate, I didn't get my Year 12 certificate. But it didn't take me long to make a decision, because I didn't want to keep seeing her and I didn't want to keep going in there and signing my form, and I thought our course was better than nothing. So I went over there, I did the course. At the time when you do the, when you pick a particular degree, they get you to pick it straight away. And I just knew, because of the way I grew up, that I wanted to do something in the social area. I wanted to help people, I wanted to help mob. So I decided to do a social science degree and so that first year I was able to pick up a couple of social science degrees, units, and then I also did the tertiary foundation course alongside each other and was given credits for that. I was blessed that I was able to finish that, finish that social science degree.
Speaker 2:When I was at university, a non-Indigenous lecturer called me down to her office and said the Mary MacKillop Foundation has these scholarships for Indigenous people. I think you should apply for it. So I applied for it and someone was looking out for me or it was just the right timing for me at the time. But I was given a scholarship. So I came out of university with no HECS debts, no loans or anything like that, so that kind of helped me financially. And I was also able to get an Indigenous cadetship, which meant at the time that I could study and then on my breaks I would go down to Canberra.
Speaker 2:That was my first job, my first real job that I was proud of outside of. You know the work that I did when I was a teenager. So I'm in my early 20s here now and going to uni, scholarship, cadetship, killing it yeah, I'm killing it, yeah, yeah, and I'm feeling pretty good. And you know, I've met a partner also. She was an Indigenous lady from down that way and we had our first child and they offered me a job. They were called Department of Employment, workplace Relations and Small Business. Back then they were called Department of Employment, workplace Relations and Small Business. Back then they offered me a job in the Indigenous Employment Policies area. So I went down there and that was my first job. We were down there for about nine months. We were missing family. It was cold. She was missing family. I was missing family. It was cold. She was missing family. I was missing family. So we decided to move back up close.
Speaker 2:When I was able to get a transfer back up, I worked for ATSIC. Back then ATSIC's not around no more. I did some community stuff and then that worked right up at ATSIC. And then I had to look for a job because I'd split up with my partner at the time and I wanted to stay in the area because I'd had a daughter by then. Yeah, of course she was two or three.
Speaker 2:So a job came up with. They call it the Department of Community Services. Yeah, and because of my background, I grew up in a household, unfortunately, where there was a lot of emotional and physical abuse and unfortunately for some of those 20 people that grew up in that household with me. There was also sexual abuse that they experienced. Fortunately for me that didn't happen to me, but emotional and physical abuse was a big part of my life. So I just used to remember back to when I was a kid and I wanted to protect kids and I wanted to help kids and I wanted to work with youth. So that's why a job with Department of Community Services really fit up my alley.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I did that for about 10 years and then I did some. You know I worked in for Department of Housing, managed a team up there in Tweed Heads. We looked, we basically managed public housing, tenants and houses and those types of things. I think I had about a team of four. I did that for a little while and then I had another daughter. At the time also, I got back with my ex-partner and we had another child and there was about a six-year gap between the two girls and my ex-partner wanted to move up to the Gold Coast. So I thought, yep, I wanted to move up to the Gold Coast. So I thought, yep, I wanted to move back closer to home because my home's Brisbane. Yeah, so I decided to move up to the Gold Coast and I was driving down to Tweed Heads and doing stuff there still working there and driving down there but I knew that wasn't sustainable. And then I moved on to my current job now and that's in the finance area. I get to work with businesses. I still get to work with mob.
Speaker 1:So you've got 30 years' experience of working in this government corporate First Nations space.
Speaker 2:I tried to sit there and think about it the other day. It's probably about 27 years, close to 30. 27 years I've worked with mob and that's been intentional. In every decision that I've made, I've always wanted to work with my people.
Speaker 1:The work that you're doing is it healing for yourself as well. So it's not just about helping mob, it's healing yourself through your work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, I think, because I've seen the worst of the worst and that I've seen and I've experienced. I've got a lived experience of abuse and also disadvantage and just the system overall. I had racist teachers when I was going to school. Sometimes I'd be the only black follower in the class. You'd get teased, all those types of things. The police would harass us all the time. I've been abused by the police physically and emotionally.
Speaker 2:So I carry all that stuff with me and I have a passion for my people. I want to help my people and you're exactly right, it is healing. I feel like I'm contributing to our mob. It's a way of giving back. Absolutely, I get paid for that stuff but I still get a lot of satisfaction, I suppose, is the word. It's just a side thing. And you know, if I wanted to chase the big bucks, then I could have went into the corporate world and I could have worked with non-indigenous people. I think there was probably more opportunities to chase bucks then. But that's not what I'm about. I'm about in trying to make things better for our people. And that's more pertinent now because I not only just have two daughters, I also have three grandchildren now. Yeah, you know, I've got two granddaughters and you know my oldest girl's just had the grandson.
Speaker 1:There's young people out there going through tough times. They're in the household back in North Brisbane that may have had those two fires, that may have had some things that we don't want to share all of it, but is there any particular moments when you're young, around that time, where you knew you had to run away? Is there any moments there we can share, that are a core sort of memory that we can talk about?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think there's lots. You think it's normal but it's not. You know things like having an object thrown at your head or having you know grabbing something from, like a switch or a branch from a tree, and being, you know, hit over the legs or the back, or having your face hit onto the chair and actually bleeding I think I've still got a scar there and then being told well, you can't go to school now because you're bleeding and you need to be fixed up. And I've run away a couple of times. You know it was difficult, but I suppose the way I got through that also was you know, my other brothers, my other cousins I call them my cousins, but they're my brothers, they're my sisters. You know they all come from that line, from that nine sisters. That's my mob, that's my family. You know we were all experiencing it at the time, so we all supported each other. I don't know if the word's ironic, but the interesting I think the word's interesting thing is that you know there's that saying hurt people, hurt people. Yes, I think my auntie and some of those other adults were also hurt. Yes, they also. You know they grew up in the day of Cherbourg when they had to get permission to come off the mission when they came down to Brisbane I'm sure they were from stories that I've heard taken advantage of. Also.
Speaker 2:We had a dormitory up there in Sherbrooke too, where, you know, kids were taken from their parents and told to live in these dormitories. You know males here and females there and you know it was ruled by the church and there was a lot of corporal punishment back then for them. They weren't allowed to talk about language, they weren't allowed to practice their you know their dances, their songs. They weren't allowed to do you know fishing practices and hunt and those types of things. So we didn't get brought up with that in the household. You know it was a very matriarchal family. You can see nine girls. I didn't have a lot of older male role models. I didn't have a dad around. We didn't have that in the household.
Speaker 2:And I go back to, you know, sherberg. They used to call it a mission and you know how the dormitory was ruled by the churches. So that's how we were ruled, because that's how they grew up. Everything was based on Christianity and you know, if something happened then that was the will of God kind of thing. You know we'd all have to pray before we ate. We'd all have to read the Bible and go to church. You know it was a Sunday, it was a Friday, it was every morning you'd get up. That's not part of our culture.
Speaker 2:Like I just talked about language and hunting and crobbery I didn't get taught any of that. I don't know how to speak language. I don't know how to dance. You know, I've been all over Australia, yes, and I see it here on the East Coast too. You know, I go and I see a crobbery. I see these fellas shaking their leg. I can't do that because I've never been taught it. I go and I see a corroboree. I see this fellow shaking a leg. I can't do that because I've never been taught it. I was taught the Bible and God and that's what I say, like I think that's all I knew. They had no choice. That was forced on them.
Speaker 1:That's a common thread mob, not having that connection to culture. I would often ask my family and mum questions. They couldn't give me answers. There's identity, so those issues grow with the compounded generational trauma that's handed down through us. So take yourself back to that young man two years before you ran away. So take yourself back to that young man two years before you ran away. Was running away the only option that went through your head, or were there other, darker?
Speaker 2:thoughts there that were being explored. Yeah, I don't know what it was. I think running away probably was the only option back then. It just depended, like when I was younger, you know, when you're talking from five up to kind of 10 or 11, you think that's normal man, but it's not. No, you know. You know, how can one adult give 20 kids love?
Speaker 2:You know, I don't think I really understood or knew or felt what love was until I had my girls, my daughters, you know. So, even relationships, I couldn't sustain relationships because I didn't understand what love was, because I didn't get that when I was young. But, like I said, I always had the support of my cousins and my brothers, my sisters, that's what I call them. I didn't really get to know my biological sister because she was in foster care. I didn't really get to know my biological brother because he lived with his father. But they did come and visit, you know, and mum would come and visit, you know, when she was, when it was my birthday or special occasions, christmas, or, you know, if the Brisbane show was on. So I didn't, I'd never had that kind of relationship with you know, as that traditional relationship of a mum and a dad.
Speaker 2:You know, and I suppose that has had a bit of an impact on me, because my old man was a non-Indigenous fella and I only met him when I was 19. And I only kind of reached out to him because we knew that he was at a particular place. And I reached out to him because I just wanted to know. You know, I just wanted to know. Yeah, like you know, you just kind of.
Speaker 1:Tell me what you wanted to know.
Speaker 2:Well I just. Someone says that's your father, that's part of your identity, that's part of your DNA. Do I look like this bloke? Do I act like this bloke? And then I found out I did A lot of my mannerisms were the same as him and we developed a relationship also, you know, we end up.
Speaker 2:You know, going camping and I love sport. You know sport was a big thing for me as a child also. That was my outlet. I used to play soccer, used to play cricket and anything running anything. I just loved doing that stuff. And we got to know each other. We'd go camping together, play golf and, you know, we'd get on the drink and talk shit to each other and he'd apologise for a lot of these, you know not being around and all those types of things. But he just became a mate. He was never going to be a father to me, really. And then I moved away and then we lost contact and you know that poor bloke died last year of cancer. You know, but that was a hard one for me because he was a mate but we didn't have that father-son relationship. I respected him as my father, but that was it.
Speaker 1:Is there something that you wanted him to say to you or you wanted to say to him?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, absolutely because before he died he didn't want to talk to me. Absolutely because before he died he didn't want to talk to me. We did a trip about two and a half three years ago up to the NT. It was going to be one of his final trips because he had cancer and we had a bit falling out up there which I won't go into.
Speaker 2:Why? Why? Yeah, just yeah. We were just button heads because we were never around each other all the time and I left and flew home and he drove back by himself. So he kind of resented me for that and then I said I didn't want to have anything to do with him and then he took that as literal. So for the last two and a half years, even the last few months, when they were kind of saying, yeah, he hasn't got long to live, because he was still having contact with my daughter, my oldest daughter, and I'd be reaching out and saying, well, just let him know if he wants to have a chat. And that was hard because he didn't want to. He said, no, you decided not to, that, you didn't want to have anything to do with me. So that hurt. That hurt really, really bad, because it hurt to the point where I well, it's like being abandoned again.
Speaker 2:I think abandonment it's a big thing in my life. You know I don't like to say this about my mum because I love my mum. You know I felt when I think back you could use that word abandonment with her. You know women that I've been in relationships with have left. He was the same. He wasn't around. When he came around and we got back together, he he left. He didn't want anything to do with me. So, um, yeah, it was hard because then I had to decide when he passed away whether I went to the funeral or not. And it was difficult because I didn't have a lot of people to you know. Just to debrief with.
Speaker 1:Also Is there something you want to say to him, if you could.
Speaker 2:Yeah, good question. I think I would say sorry in terms of how things went down on that trip and that I regret saying that I didn't want to have anything to do with him and I just want to own my side of things. I'll try and make peace but sadly, you know, I probably won't, obviously won't get that opportunity.
Speaker 1:Yeah, If you want to be able to go back in time and talk to young Rhys when he's a young fella, feeling abandoned, not feeling loved, not getting access to culture. If you could sit with him for one minute and say something to him, what would you say?
Speaker 2:I would just say that everything's going to be all right. I would just say just be true to yourself and follow your dreams and your goals. And they mightn't be the same as your cousin bros and your cousin bros and that might be going down this wrong track, but keep trying to be that leader and try and do your own thing. Support other people, you know, support your cussie bros or you know, your relatives or your mob or your family. If you don't get that what you want when you're that age, then try and look for it later on in life. Like the cultural stuff, that's a hard one because I'm a proud black fella. Everything about me. I've got Indigenous tats on me. I've got the flag on me. You look at my car out there. I've got the Aboriginal flag on my number plate. I'm normally wearing Indigenous shirts and I do that for a reason. It's because sometimes people will mistake me for a Māorii or a Maori or a Kiwi or an Indian, and I don't want them to mistake me for those people. I want them to know and understand that I'm an Aboriginal, proud Blackfella, which that's really, really important to me. But I'm trying to go back and make that point around culture, you know, but I'm trying to go back and make that point around culture, you know, and what I would say to that young Reese is that if you couldn't get that when you're growing up, then try and get it when you're older, because that's what I yearn for now. If I can connect more back with my traditional culture, you know, and that concept of country, I'd love to go over there and go to a couple of men's places and just feel our ancestors and feel our people over there and understand the history in more detail and depth, maybe learn some of the language and songs and dances and those types of things. I think I can heal my spirit. That's the missing link. I think so. I think you know, I think there's always been something missing in me.
Speaker 2:Like I've told the story that when I moved away from Brisbane and I moved down to northern New South Wales and I did my degree and whatnot and I was fit and I got this tat and someone put it up on social media and said you know, this is Rhys from Waka Waka Chantry. But when I moved down there, that's all I thought. We didn't know that we'd had this. We knew that we had connection up to Rumble. We didn't know that we had those strong connections to Bachelor and you know they saw that and they said, well, he's not from Cherbourg, he's not Waka Waka. And that stung me. That really, really hurt.
Speaker 2:The fact is, my mum and her nine sisters were born and bred there. I spent a lot of my childhood there and then you had mob that are traditional owners there saying, well, he's not from here. So my head's thinking, well, where the hell am I from then? Who am I? And then, yeah, that was really, really difficult for me. I started not questioning myself as a black fella, because anyone and everyone that knows me they know started. I'm not questioning myself as a black follower, because anyone and everyone that knows me they know that I'm a proud Aboriginal man. But just confused and questioning the spirit is confused, that's the word I'm trying to find, you know, and I honestly believe that if I could, you know, and I honestly believe that if I could, you know, have more I wouldn't say understanding, but more connection to my traditional culture, then I think I think that's kind of like the final piece for me as a human being, not just as a human being, but a proud Aboriginal man.
Speaker 1:It's that alignment of body and spirit, Because a lot of our mob they may have grew up here, but they came from another mission. Oh, absolutely. And they don't have birth certificates because we weren't human beings until 67.
Speaker 2:That's exactly right, my mother, foreign fauna.
Speaker 1:So some people can disconnect because they've always lived on that land, but other mob, like us, we go past our mother. There's no birth certificate, there's no transfer papers, names have been changed. So the fact that you are aware that that connection to Gari is there and through another brother that we know, I think, exploring that, and then through the kids and the grandkids, what are you speaking into them that wasn't spoken into you, that love and that nourishment, what are you now passing down through the girls and now your grandkids?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's really, really important. You know, I just want them to know now. I want them to know that their connection is Durumble, their connection is Bachelor. You know, I didn't know that when I was growing up. I want them to have a strong male in their life. They've got their dad, my grandkids, but they've also got me as their pop.
Speaker 2:But I instilled in my girls this notion of finishing school. I've instilled in my girls this, when I say girls, my daughters, this notion of finishing school. I've instilled in my girls this, when I say girls, my daughters, this notion of working and getting a job. You know, I remember when I was 15, 16, and my auntie couldn't get the pension for me no more. Her first thing for me because that's all they knew was go and sign up to Centrelink now, or the dog they called it so you can contribute to the household. It wasn't stay in school, it wasn't go and get a job, it was go and sign up. I'm trying to change things within my little family and both girls have finished school. Both girls have had part-time jobs while they're at school Beautiful. So I've tried to push them towards that. They've never seen their dad or their mother without a job.
Speaker 1:Instilling those.
Speaker 2:No, just instilling that you get up and you work and you earn a living. You're not just putting your hand out from the government. That stuff's got to stop, man, if there's opportunity for our, there's probably more opportunities these days, I agree, as there was, you know, when I was growing up and when our parents were growing up. You know the opportunities are there if you want to take them. Now I appreciate that there's mums out there raising kids and those types of things and there's not opportunity for them them to work, and that's okay. That's why we've got a welfare system here. But for the most part, there's jobs. There's an opportunity to go to school, depending on your family situation.
Speaker 1:And many black owned businesses. 20 years ago, this didn't exist Absolutely, and this is the space that you're nurturing as well with your work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I work with First Nations businesses and I take a lot of pride in seeing these businesses be viable and successful and you know I work with them around. You know business skills and if I can't provide that then I try and get those businesses, you know help with other like-minded people you know, or specialists in their fields. You know whether that be a consultant, and then I've seen a lot of businesses grow. So they, you know they come to me and you know we can go through a process of, you know, obtaining some more finance so that gives them opportunity to grow. We know that, you know black businesses also will more likely employ Indigenous people, whether that's on a casual or full-time basis, which is really, really good. So, yeah, that's my passion now and that's where I kind of work now and I'm still trying to do that today. Work now and I'm still trying to do that today.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about passion and purpose?
Speaker 2:What is your passion? Yeah, my passion is probably more so in that trying to work with Indigenous men or trying to uplift and trying to empower and provide a message to their fellows. Over the years I talked a little bit about my life and I think growing up I've always been a nervous kind of person. I've always had a nervous disposition kind of person. I've always had a nervous disposition and what I found out later in life is that a lot of that was mental health issues. So I'm passionate about mental health because I've suffered from it. I've suffered from depression, I've suffered from anxiety. I've suffered from depression. I've suffered from anxiety I used to thought it was fear, but it was actually anxiety and I've also I suppose I've tried to over the years, medicate it, Medicate it in the wrong way. So when I say in the wrong way, alcohol's been a big part of my life, and probably in a negative way. Really, you know all that kind of trauma that I had when I was younger.
Speaker 2:I had my first drink when I was 13,. I remember I drank straight Bundaberg rum and I loved the feeling straight away because it made me just, took me away from reality. It took me away from anxiety. It took me away from anxiety. It took me away from fear. I ended up on the streets at 15, 16, and I had to use alcohol. I was drinking a lot of alcohol then because I was frightened. Living on the streets of Brisbane, I was hungry, I was cold sometimes. Living on the streets of Brisbane, I was hungry, I was cold sometimes. So I used alcohol at the time to get rid of all that.
Speaker 2:And, like I said, having to deal with the police, I have this story where the police used to come into the city when our street kids used to be in there and they'd put us in the back of their patrol cars I think they were old commoners back then and they would take us to the other side of town used to be on the west, sort of south, of Brisbane and they would dump us out there. I shouldn't say us. I know it's happened to other brothers, but I remember they did it to me just me that night, and they made me take my shoes off and basically said to me don't come back into the city Now, get your own way back On. The whole way they were calling me racist stuff, the whole way, you smelly black sea and all these types of things. They didn't realise that I was close to a train line. So you know I was only 15, 16, you know anything could happen to me also. You know I was on a busy highway but I got my way back into the city. They thought it was funny. They saw me the next time. They thought it was funny.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I used a lot of alcohol. Then, you know, I was able to get my life together, go to uni, get myself a job. But alcohol's been the one constant kind of issue there and a lot of it came from the mental health stuff, the depression, the anxiety, not feeling good enough, all those types of things. And you know this is something that I've lived with. I've had periods of time where I've been able to give up the alcohol because I think that's been my main issue is, you know, when I don't drink as much I can, you know that depression and that anxiety and that self-loathing and self-hatred and those types of things go. But it's been a battle. It's been.
Speaker 2:You know, like I said, I'm 13. I've probably drunk my whole life. I'm 50 next month. I decided last year that I would go on a journey again and the reason I made that decision is my daughter had my grandson, you know. So he was born and I just I had enough. I had enough of, you know, looking at myself in the mirror and despising myself, getting up, feeling like shit, sweating profusely, paranoia, anxiety. Yeah, I could still work, I could still get up and I could still work. Yeah, but I would put huge amounts of alcohol into my body. My body started to get used to that. You know, I'm really, really scared because my mum died of alcoholism at 58, and here I am coming to 50, and I'm getting closer to her age.
Speaker 1:What started as a coping mechanism became a companion.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I'm four and a half months now without a drink and a half months now without a drink and it's probably been a decade since I've had that much time up. You know, I get some professional help, I get some counselling. I go to recovery programs. Also, I still haven't got that credibility. I still feel deep down, deep inside me that I still don't have that credibility to go out and talk to blokes. But that was one of the reasons I wanted to do this podcast, also when you broached it with me, is that you know, I want to be able to give the message to our men out there that there is help out there and it's a daily struggle. I can have days where my head's just running and I want a drink and luckily I do have a few people in the program now, in the recovery program, that I can reach out to and talk to and those things really, really help. But I suppose my goal is to try and get to that one year mark. Physically, I feel a lot better. Emotionally I feel a lot better. Physically, I feel a lot better. Emotionally, I feel a lot better.
Speaker 2:Look, I was crippled with depression and anxiety last year before I picked up that last drink. I was crippled with it. There were times on the weekends where I would be in my bed and the whole house would be locked up. I wouldn't communicate with no one. That's what it used to do to me, you know, I wouldn't communicate with no one. That's what it used to do to me. Today I don't do that. Today I get out. I spend a lot more time with my grandkids, my family. I've got some friends. Now this is the gift of recovery for me. A gift of recovery for me. I'm not having those dark thoughts. You know, I must say that suicide has entered my mind. I suppose to me. I probably wouldn't go down that path. You know, it's a fleeting thought, but the fact that it's there in my head, is not a good thing and it's not uncommon.
Speaker 1:Our men are the highest suicide rates in the world, incarceration rates and we weren't really planning to talk about this, but you've had the courage to bring this up to talk about men's health, mental health, emotional health. This feels like your purpose. I guess those fleeting suicide thoughts If there's some men out there watching, some women out there watching that are going through that- what would you say to them?
Speaker 2:Well, I think drug and alcohol has a lot to do with it. Well, it has for me, and I can only speak for my experience. I didn't get into the drugs at all, but that doesn't mean I haven't tried it either and I have. But every time I picked up a drink and I would feel all right for a while, but then I would come crashing down. So I had to remove that from my life. I think I've had an addiction problem since I was young. When I say addiction, I think I've had an issue with alcohol since I was young. Done a fair bit of research, they reckon I'm one of these functioning alcoholics where I can actually drink and I can still hold a job. Yes, but my head's an absolute mess, you know anxiety, paranoia, not being able to maintain or sustain relationships. I look back I could have been a better father, I could be a better grandparent, I could be a better friend, I could be a better nephew, son, cousin, all those types of things. I just know, when I give up the piss and I'm not drinking, that things are a lot better In the real you, in my life. It's the real me, absolutely it is.
Speaker 2:I've talked about a lot of negative things today, but there's a lot of positive things also. I generally like people. I generally like being around people. I generally want to help people and that's why I'm. I suppose I'm here today and look, whilst my goal is one year, I don't try and look too far ahead. I try and just keep it in the day. I do things each day just to try and get my mind off. You know that thought of picking up that drink and that's get up, go to the gym, do a bit of recovery, work, and I work. I've got a job, I've got a purpose and I'm helping mob every single day. You know, if I didn't have that stuff in my life, I think it would be harder. What date is one year? I think it's roughly the 4th of November. Let me just have a look at my little app.
Speaker 1:Now you've got your calendar there. You're going to return on this podcast 4th of November On one year. 4th of November, you're coming back. We're going to write this in right now. Awesome, you want to put it on your diary. So we're going to come back when you've reached one year. Yep, we're going to book that ahead. What are we going to talk about then? Where are you going to be?
Speaker 2:And what message are we going to provide our listeners? I want to be in a position where I've got a year up and I can say to men this is what I've done. These are the struggles, these are the challenges. There's a lot of support out there. Now We've got a really robust and strong health system there.
Speaker 2:I want to be able to go into rehabs and have a yarn to our lads. I want to go into jails and have a yarn to them. I want to be able to go into rehabs and have a yarn to our lads. I want to go into jails and have a yarn to them. I want to go into communities I'm not talking about communities here in Brisbane, but I want to go into those discrete communities and just have a yarn to them. And I just want to be able to be a role model around this stuff and just show people if you work, not just in that professional sector, but also if you're a tradie or you're just a black fella out there working or you're not working or it doesn't matter just you know, no matter what situation you're in or where you are, that there is help out there and you can come through it. Early days for me, but I'm feeling really really positive brother.
Speaker 1:Rhys, thank you so much for your time, your generosity, your vulnerability. Let's explore this further. I really want to have this impact out there and, yeah, thank you so much for your time.
Speaker 2:Awesome.
Speaker 1:Appreciate you. Thank you, brother. Thanks brother, I appreciate it Awesome.